Thursday, March 29, 2007

Make long-distance love work!

This post is originally from Pradeep Chakraborty's Blog!

Some of my friends have been pestering me to write pieces that are non-technical, especially on relationships, as though I am some master.
A few of them have even thrown questions such as what I thought of long-distance love. Does it exist? Does it even work? Is it worthwhile to carry on such an endeavor? Can the other person be trusted? Let me give this a try. Though, may I add, I’m no love guru, but more of an optimistic tech writer.

We live in an Internet era. I do remember reading about some instances of people having met online, having chatted, eventually starting to love and respect each other, and eventually, leading up to hopefully, marriage. So, that would make me say, hey guys, it works! Look at all these social networking sites. Or, some other sites that encourage online dating.

What is the objective of such sites? To allow people to become friends, to chat and talk, and stay in touch, and hopefully, carry things forward. The very fact that these sites exist mean that people are willing to come online and search around for possible new friends, and perhaps, long-time partners. And on several occasions, we see the phenomena of long-distance love taking place. Hopefully, most lead to happy endings as I believe in those.

Initially, all that chatting and speaking online should be very captivating and enchanting. And then, like all normal relationships, reality starts biting when the ‘honeymoon’ period gets over. The only difference being, in case of long-distance love, you don’t really know what the other person is actually doing or thinking, which would otherwise be easier in cases of face-to-face contact.
An argument against long-distance love has been that you don’t know really who’s taking you for a ride. Well, I guess, it’s just plain bad luck, should that ever happen. I can imagine that there would be the normal disillusionment, agony and pain, I gather. However, everyone moves on, eventually.

So, is it worthwhile to enter into such an endeavor? Of course, why not? Not everyone is out there to take you for a ride! There are a whole lot of very serious people out there. There are also a whole lot of honest folks out there too. And they are all looking for friendship, love and possible companionship. We are after all dealing with human emotions.

Once a relationship enters the emotional phase, I would assume (sorry, I can only assume) that there would be those regular quarrels, power tussels, etc., between partners. Again, should these quarrels or power tussel take an ugly turn, it would be prudent to expect that love, or long-distance love, would go out of the window. This, should NEVER happen. Avoid these as much as possible if your goal is success.

Unless someone is really a bad and selfish person, I dont’ think it would do any good on anyone’s part to settle scores with the other side, should the long-distance love get derailed. If you are out to settle scores, then there wasn’t any love in the first place.

The key factors in any relationship are trust and chemistry. In long-distance relationships, you must trust each other, at times, blindly, before even thinking of moving forward. If that online chemistry is not there, the trust won’t be there as well. Yes, it’s very important that partners or couples trust and respect each other, like any relationship, and especially more so, in case of long-distance love.

A word on trust. It takes time, and really a lot of time to build trust. Especially, more so, for long-distance love. Don’t jump the gun and expect the other person to start trusting you right away. With trust, comes respect, and eventually, love. Why, this simple principle applies to friendships as well!

So, my take on long-distance love is: Yes, it works! The partners should work on their chemistry and definitely, trust each other a lot. If you are not prepared to work on your chemistry, then don’t waste the other person’s time just for fun.

Never hide your feelings. Don’t ever let the other person know that you have been disrespecting him/her, as it can be quite devastating. Yes, sometimes an innocent word can mar a long-distance love affair, so be prepared to explain a lot and be patient, actually, very, very patient.
Also be a little careful with your words. Or, you should trust each other so much that you are able to make up quickly and move forward, without wasting time.

To end on an optimistic note for all those into long-distance love: be ready to practice, preach and sing the famous song — “Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You”, believe in those words, and make that count!

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